


Hell is a Place Called Home

by andthisbrightstar



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Domestic Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-10 04:14:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15283410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthisbrightstar/pseuds/andthisbrightstar
Summary: Isn't it sad when you get hurt so much you can finally say "I'm used to it"?





	1. Chapter 1

“Detective Carisi!”

Barba yelled as he walked into the bullpen, Carisi flinching and turning his head around to see who called him. He turned his entire swivel chair when he saw who it was, raising an eyebrow.

“Sorry to scare you, Olivia said you had new information regarding the Atkinson case?”

Carisi nodded and turned back around to get his file, handing it to the lawyer before promptly turning back around in his chair to his computer without saying a word. Barba met Amanda’s eyes above his head, motioning to the man with his head. Amanda shrugged, not knowing what was off about him herself. He left without pressing further into it, but Amanda didn’t take the same courtesy.

“Sonny are you okay? You jumped like a bat out of hell when he called your name.”

“I’m fine ‘manda, just tired” He said without looking up. Amanda didn’t let him off that easy.

“Would you tell me if you weren’t?” She questioned and only got a nod in response  
-  
The matter didn’t come up again until everyone was leaving to go home for the night, Amanda running to get in the elevator with Carisi before the doors closed and left him alone.

“Amanda I already told you not to worry about me.” He said before a word could leave her mouth, his tone laced with frustration.

“You said you were tired. I’m your friend, I’m always going to worry about you.” She said as the elevator started moving down. His face softened and for a moment it seemed like he was going to open up, but it faded as someone else got in the elevator.

“Well try not to lose sleep over it.” He said as they got off, going a different way than her out of the building.  
-  
By the time he got home, Sonny was exhausted. The train was late, someone laced up on every drug imaginable tried to accuse of him of stealing his watch, and he still felt guilty over making Amanda so worried over him.

“Daniel?” He said as he slipped into the apartment before he noticed the other man sitting at the counter, beer can in hand. He turned when he heard his name, a scowl etched on his face.

“You’re late.” He lamented and slammed his can on the counter, crossing his arms.

“I’m sorry, we got caught up with new information about a case,” Sonny said quietly, staying in his spot by the door. Daniel got up from the counter, walking to Sonny and pulling his phone out of shirt pocket.

“I don’t know why I let you keep this damn thing if you can’t use it to tell me when you’re going to be late.”

“I said I was sorry Daniel can we please not start this now, I’m exhausted.”

Daniel only laughed, throwing Sonny’s phone on the ground and grabbing him by the neck.

“Last time I checked you don’t tell me what to do.”

Sonny flinched hard under Daniel’s fingernails but tried to let his shoulders relax. It was easier when Daniel didn’t get the impression that he was going to fight back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for some non-con stuff near the end, but it's not graphic.

Sonny’s head hurt as soon as he opened his eyes in the morning, but he felt somewhat better when he realized he was alone. He felt around for his phone before realizing it was probably still on the floor in the kitchen. Rolling out of bed he walked quietly, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw a note on the counter, meaning Daniel was already gone for the day. He picked his phone up off the ground, his heart dropping when he looked at the time. 9:05. He was over an hour late with two missed calls from Olivia, one from Amanda, and a text from...Rafael?

**ADA Barba**

_Where are you? Court at 9:45. Dect. Rollins is about to go kicking down your door with the hostage team if you don’t show soon._

Sonny sighed and ran a hand through his hair. This definitely wasn’t going to help get Amanda off his back. He took a deep breath before dialing Liv, running around trying to get a suit together with his phone pressed between his ear and shoulder.

“Carisi! Amanda was about to come SWAT you.”

“So I’ve heard.” He said, forcing a laugh.

“I’m really sorry Cap, I overslept after getting home late last night. I’ll meet everyone at court.”  
-  
Sonny considered it a miracle he even got to court by 9:45, having had to spend an extra 10 minutes covering the bruises on his neck and face from last night. He ran up the steps, wincing in pain when he got to the top and praying the squad didn’t notice as they came over to greet him. Amanda stood back as everyone talked about the case, eyeing Sonny cautiously. She didn't say anything until they were inside, just about to go into the courtroom.

“You know, when you’re in this field for so long you can start to develop a sixth sense for crime." She said from behind him, Sonny pausing for a second before walking into the courtroom in silence.  
-  
When they broke for lunch Sonny was startled to see Daniel outside the courtroom, part of him wanting to pretend he didn’t. None the less, he walked over, cringing as Daniel grabbed his hand but forcing a smile.

“You free for lunch?” Daniel said softly, his tone giving Sonny a false sense of endearment, but a soft side he would take any day over hostility. Sonny nodded and squeezed his hand, trying to move them out the door. Daniel stopped him, smiling towards the squad and Barba, who were all eyeing him like hawks.

“Why don’t you introduce me to your friends, yeah?” He said and Sonny wanted to run far far away, but nodded and took slow steps over to them.

“This is my uh, partner, Daniel. He works for a homeless advocacy center downtown.” Carisi forced out, avoiding Amanda’s eyes. He knew she was already jumping to every conclusion in the book.

“Rafael Barba, ADA, I believe I’ve worked with your organization before.” Barba said as he looked between the two and shook Daniel’s hand, no one else in the squad seeming to share the interest in speaking to him.  
-  
Lunch went well, given who it was with. Daniel talked about new family that was being represented by the center and Sonny ranted about how idiotic their judge was being. For a while, it felt like how it felt at the beginning. Before everything went to hell. Daniel walked him back to the courthouse after they ate, stopping him before letting him walk up the steps.

“Don’t be late tonight, you’re lucky you could cover it all.” Daniel said in a low voice and Sonny felt sick, the air of “okay-ness” that had been over them during lunch fading away fast. He nodded and jogged up the steps, Amanda waiting for him at the top. He almost ran straight into her, lurching back when she thrust out her arm to stop him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in a relationship?”

“I didn’t think it was important.” He snapped back, regretting his tone the second the words left his mouth. Amanda looked hurt, biting her lip.

“Well anyways, we’re in for a long afternoon.”  
-  
Carisi booked it as soon as court let out, grateful to have slipped out before anyone stopped him to talk. He sat down on a bench to wait for his Uber, checking the time and sighing in relief when he realized he was going to be home early. 

“Mind if I sit?” He heard Liv say from behind him. He wanted to say yes, but knowing she would just get concerned if he did, he shook his head. She came around and sat next to him, studying his face for a moment before talking.

“Is the verdict weighing heavy on you?” She asked and Sonny sighed.

“Well yeah. Everyone knows he was guilty, the jury was split by two damn fucking votes. Now he gets to go free and find some other person to abuse.” He snapped, messing with his hands in his lap. Liv put a hand on his, looking him in the eye.

“Calm down, please Carisi. You’re one of my best detectives and you’ve seemed so on edge lately.”

She was using her victim voice and he hated it. Before he could respond his Uber pulled up and he got in without a word, looking straight ahead instead of out the window so he couldn’t see the look Liv was giving him.  
-  
Sonny could have cried when he got home and realized he was so early Daniel wasn’t even home yet. He slipped his shoes off before settling on the couch, contemplating taking a nap before his phone buzzed.

**Olivia**  
_Squad plus Barba dinner tomorrow @ 7. Can you be there?_

**Dect. Carisi**  
_Probably, I’ll let you know when Daniel gets home._

Sonny shot off the text and paused, briefly considering that he shouldn’t have to ask permission to go to a work function, but brushed the feeling aside when he heard footsteps coming to the door. He shoved his phone deep into his pants pocket, standing up and dusting his shirt off to go greet Daniel. His heart dropped into his stomach as soon as he met his eyes. He looked completely different than he did at lunch. And it scared him.

“Are you okay? You seemed so happy at lunch.” Sonny tried, forcing a smile and taking his briefcase off of him.

“The woman in the new family we got is a bitch and yelled at me because I said there was nothing we could do about her ex possibly finding us. She would have thrown her coffee on me if her son didn’t yank her back.” He snapped out, going straight to the fridge and pulling out a beer. Sonny sat at the counter across from him, holding out his hand for Daniel to no avail.

“What’s the deal with her ex?” He asked softly, Daniel rolling his eyes.

“Apparently they’re homeless because he was treating her badly and she thinks he’s out looking for them. He lives in midtown. I don’t get why she’d put her kids on the street instead of just sucking it up and taking a few hits to keep them in a nice house and neighborhood.” 

It drove Sonny mad how wrong he was, but he knew better than to argue with him. Daniel had always been like this, which confused him especially since it was the field he chose to work in. Instead of arguing he just nodded. After a few minutes of silence, Daniel got up and walked around the counter to Sonny, using his wrist to pull him up to his feet.

“You know how you could make me feel better baby?” Daniel whispered in his ear and Sonny gulped, barely being able to choke out the word “what?”.

Sonny let himself go into autopilot. He could hear Daniel talking to him but he tried to block it out, thinking about the new case they got assigned. He came to when he felt himself being tugged into the bedroom, wincing at the strength Daniel grabbed his wrist with. He felt himself being thrown onto the bed and felt around for Daniel, taking a deep breath and letting himself slip into going through the motions of a routine he was long used to. 

It was 2 hours before Daniel decided he was done, getting up and going into the bathroom before coming out with a washcloth. Sonny was so worn down and out of it, but he moved toward Daniel when he felt the warm cloth on his shoulder. 

“You’re okay Sonny, I love you.” He said softly in his ear and Sonny smiled. Of course he loved him. If he didn’t love him he wouldn’t show him so much mercy, or clean him up so gently after treating him like a rag doll for two hours. He felt Daniel pulling a shirt over his head and pulling him closer, Sonny willing himself to relax into his arms. If this was hell, he wasn’t that unhappy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the squad dinner, in case you haven't guessed, is going to be a disaster with a capital D. has to get worse before it gets better, right?
> 
> i live for your comments and feedback!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> today was the 4 month anniversary of the shooting at my school so i'm in a weird place but writing takes my mind off of things so enjoy!!!

Sonny woke up alone and aching all over, grateful that he had off today and had a while into the squad dinner to make himself feel better. He slipped on a pair of boxers and joggers before going out into the living room.

“Hey Daniel?” He said, the other man looking up from his laptop. 

“Liv is hosting a squad dinner tonight, do you mind if I go?” Sonny said, trying to appear more confident than he was. Daniel looked back down at his laptop and continued what he was working on for a moment before responding.

“Be home by 9, and go get dressed.” He said emotionless without looking up, Sonny nodding and going back into the bedroom. As he pulled out his clothes for the door he couldn’t help but look at the framed picture on the dresser, a picture Sonny and Daniel had got taken in Manhattan 3 months ago. Before everything changed.  
-  
_“Sonny Carisi!” A voice called out to him from across the street, the man it belonged to running to meet him as soon as the light changed. Sonny had no idea who he was, but he was already enamored. He had a head full of dark curly hair and blue eyes he could swim in. He introduced himself and said when he saw him at a victims advocacy event he knew he had to find him again. Sonny let him scrawl his number on his hand like they were middle schoolers, and went to walk away before Daniel insisted that he take him out to lunch. If only he listened to his mother when she told him not to talk to strangers._  
-  
The rest of the day leading up to the seven o’clock was relatively uneventful. Daniel barely acknowledged Sonny’s existence, but he wasn’t going to complain since silence was better than getting screamed at all day. It was 6:30 by the time Daniel seemed to remember he existed, sliding him next to him on the couch and moving his laptop. Sonny smiled, happy that his partner seemed to be in a good mood. He had already done his cover-up makeup for the day, so his bruises weren't visible, but Daniel ran his hands over where they were anyways.

“Someday, I’m going to make you go out with covering them up. Make you explain, but not too much, can’t have your friends kicking down our door.” He said softly, Sonny trying not to shift in pain as he pressed his fingers down harder on them.

“I should probably leave for Olivia’s,” Sonny said and pulled back, Daniel stealing one kiss before letting him go put his shoes on.

“Home by 9 baby boy!” He shouted as he walked out the door, Sonny grateful to hear the door slam shut behind him. Even if it was just for 2 hours, it was free.  
-  
Noah ran at him as soon as Olivia opened the door, Sonny biting down hard on his lip to keep from yelling out as the five year old jumping on him made every bruise and scar flare up in pain. He sucked it up to avoid suspicion, picking Noah up as he walked into the apartment.

“Uncle Sonny I missed you!” Noah said from his arms, burying his head in Sonny’s neck. It had been ages since they saw each other, as the last time he would have Daniel coerced him into calling out sick. It broke his heart, but a broken heart was better than the broken nose he would get if he fought with him over it.

“I missed you too buddy, so much.” He said and kissed his cheek before setting him down, wandering into the dining room where everyone else was. Amanda had saved him a set in between her and Barba, looking up at him happily when she saw him walk in.

“Sit Carisi, you look dead on your feet.” Barba remarked laughing. Even though it was a joke, it made Carisi’s heart rate spike. Did he really look that out of it?”  
-  
Dinner was going well, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Sonny was truly happy. Noah told everyone stories about his summer camp, which turned into all the adults sharing camp stories too. Everything was going better than he could have expected, until Noah reached across the table to get something, knocking the water pitch over. The lid came off and leaked water all over Sonny’s sleeve. Everyone seemed to jump into commotion, Liv scolding Noah and going off with Fin to find paper towels, but Sonny froze, everything feeling too overwhelming. He came to when Rafael grabbed his wrist to move it out of the water puddle, Sonny yelping in pain. Amanda whipped her around from talking Noah down.

‘You good?” She said and looked at Rafael behind Sonny’s head, the two of them exchanging a panicked look of confusion.

“Yeah, I just hurt my wrist the other day, that’s all.” He rushed out, fidgeting with his now soaking wet sleeve. He didn’t realize he had pushed it up far enough to reveal the bottom of a hand-shaped bruise until her heard Amanda gasp from next to him. Olivia and Fin came back before he could respond, Amanda not wasting any times.

“Daniel did that to you.” She said flatly. Olivia pulled her eyebrows together in confusion as she sat back down, ignoring the water that needed to be wiped up. Sonny had since yanked his sleeve down, leaving everyone who didn’t see the bruise confused by the blond detectives remark.

“Amanda-”

“I saw that bruise! It was in the shape of a damn handprint Sonny don’t lie to me now.” She snapped, Noah covering his ears with his hands. Olivia sent him off to his room before turning back to Sonny, who was staring at the wall behind her head.

“Carisi what is she talking about?”

Instead of responding, he got up, pushing his chair in and leaving, letting the door slam behind him. Amanda got up to chase after him, Rafael putting his arm out to stop her.

“He’s scared Rollins, let him calm down.” He said louder than he had intended to, Olvia dropping her head into her hands.  
-  
Sonny stormed into the apartment, kicking off his shoes and going in the direction of the bedroom. Daniel called after him before he could get there, making him freeze. 

“You’re home early.” He lamented, Sonny clenching his fist. He was so furious that his mind wasn’t screaming at him not to get confrontational like it normally did.

“Fuck off.” He snapped, immediately regretting it as soon as the words left his mouth. The apartment was dead silent before a moment before the couch creaked as Daniel stood up. 

“What did you just say to me?”

Sonny took a deep breath before turning around, shaking with a mix of anger and fear. 

“Everyone on the fucking squad saw the bruise on my wrist when my sleeve slipped up. They tried to get me to say what happened and I ran. They all hate me now, BECAUSE OF YOU.” 

A sob caught in Sonny’s throat as he yelled at him, his whole body trembling at his point. Daniel laughed and he felt his heart drop into his stomach. Before he could rush to apologize he felt a fist connect with his face, sending him stumbling backward and holding his nose. When he regained his balance and pulled his hands away they were covered with blood. 

"Looks broken baby." Daniel said, his tone sickeningly sweet. He approached Sonny as if he was going to comfort him, Sonny crying out when he did the opposite and dug his nails into the side of his face.

“You ever speak to me like that again you won’t live to apologize. Do you understand?”

“Yes- I understand. I’m sorry.” Sonny choked out and Daniel let go of him, storming off and leaving him to collapse on the ground sobbing alone.  
-  
Rafael was just about to turn in for the night when he knocking at his door. What the hell? He grabbed his metal baseball bat before yelling to see who it was, his heart dropping when he heard the voice from the other side.

“Barba it’s Sonny. I couldn’t go to Amanda because I think she’s still pissed at me but I need help.”

Rafael put the bat back behind the couch before going to get the door, slaw jacked at the state the detective was in when he opened the door. His nose was a little off center, dried blood sticking to his face and his eyes red and puffy from crying. Rafael checked the hallway before ushering him inside and getting him to sit at the counter before going off to find the first aid kit. When he returned with it and sat down next to him, Sonny looked at him like a deer in the headlights.

“Amanda was right then, that prick hurts you?” Rafael said as he started wiping the blood off of his face, Sonny shaking like a leaf the entire time.

“He loves me, I can deal.”

Rafael pulled away, going to the fridge to get an ice pack.

“I don’t think you would be in my apartment crying with a broken nose if he loved you. Does he know you’re here?” He said as he sat back down, Sonny shaking his head.

“He got in the shower and I bolted. I’m sure he noticed I’m gone by now. He would check the squads houses, so I came here.”

“Do you want to spend the night? We can get a tinted window car to the precinct tomorrow and you can talk to Olivia.” Rafael said, Sonny yawning and wincing when the action made his nose hurt.

“Can we just talk in the morning? I’m exhausted.” Sonny said, Rafael nodding.

“The guest room is the first room on the left, you can go get settled but I’ll bring you some new pajamas to sleep in.” Sonny nodded, going off into the bedroom. As soon as he sat down on the bed, his phone buzzed with a text notification, and his heart dropped.

**Daniel <3**   
_I know you’re at one of your little friend's houses. I’ll be at the Chase Bank by our apartment in 30 minutes. Be there._

Sonny’s breathing picked up, and he shoved his phone into his pocket when he heard Rafael coming. Even so, Rafael could sense something was off.

“You good?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just on edge.” Sonny responded flatly, Rafael staring at him. He wanted to say something else but didn’t, leaving and flicking off the light.

“See you in the morning.” He said quietly as he walked out, Sonny waiting until he heard the door down the hallway close before getting up and walking out, slipping on his shoes and looking around for a notepad. He finally found one by the TV, scrawling out a note for Rafael and leaving it on the kitchen counter before walking out the front door.

_Call 911 when you see this, I think he’s going to kill me  
\- Sonny_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun

**Author's Note:**

> oh sonny ): i promise amanda, rafael, and the squad won't be oblivious forever. next chapter will be out ASAP.


End file.
